Monday, December 24, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
29
Hey look it's my Doppelgänger!
The joy of being able to represent my school feels me with glee. I never thought in a million years, I'd be up there - where I'd use to dream of such an opportunity.
Thank you Albert, if it weren't for you, my mum would have one less thing to be proud of her daughter.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well, it's one more day till Phuket and I'm all psyched here ^^ Even though I'm definitely going to miss my friends, BUT, I'll only be gone for 5 days. So excited to go crazy and shop over there wheeeeee~ So many presents to buy & shower my friends with love since it's the season of giving!
Oh and I managed to secure my position for my internship next year (for 6 months) with the company called Blugrapes! They've been really sweet to let me rearrange my interview date when I'm back from my trip :) God is really good, I believe he'll put me at the right place at the right time. Love you Dad :)
That's all for now, until 21st dec!
xx, debs
Friday, December 14, 2012
28
It's two days until my short vacation to Phuket. My trip will last until 21st dec, which is also the day that the world is going to end. Last time, I'd be very worried about spending 5 days without you but now, I'm finally looking forward to it and nothing is bothering me at the back of my head.
It feels good. Even though I'm lonesome, I feel free. I feel liberated.
A week ago, Pastor said something that really struck me & it felt like the Lord was talking to me. He said 'do not let your happiness be determined by a person'. Suddenly, warmth filled me & instantly a smile slipped out of this broken heart of mine.
I feel it mending, by spending quality time with myself and knowing that I am still living. Empty but not giving up.
Can't wait for Phuket to getaway, be un-contactable for 5 days (not like anyone wants to contact me anyways!) and just be completely carefree.
Goodnight & this is such a useless post but at least I'm feeling slightly happier today :)
Thursday, December 13, 2012
27
I guess I never really explained properly why cheerleading brought me more bad memories instead of good ones.
Let's start with the good ones:
I met him. My first proper relationship. I wouldn't say the previous ones were just for fun, but they were stepping stones to help me make the right decisions in future.
Well, the bad ones:
For the first year of my Polytechnic life, my self-esteem and confidence level took a deep plunge downhill. I was deemed as 'fat' / 'heavy' in the team. I was always the last to get picked, to be given a shot. No one wanted to do stunts with me and soon I was demoted from a flyer, to a base.
Female bases, they would call us. We had to train our thigh and arm muscles. Squats. Frog jumps.
While we stared at the lighter ones flyer and soaring in the air, jumping for joy when they completed the stunt. That instant glow, that smile that shone so brightly across their face. I yearned for it. I just wanted a second of that joy.
Days passed and everyone that I was paired up to base with, left. Everyone wanted to be a flyer. So did I.
When I was the last one left, I asked the coach 'Can I train to be a flyer now since I don't have a partner?' 'Okay' was his reply and I was delighted.
I thought this could be the end of my misery. A turning point in my days of being a cheerleader. The light at the end of the tunnel.
But nothing changed. I felt left out, once again.
I was far behind all the other girls. The last in fact. I had to catch up with them, but I was never invited by the coach or by the IC's for DIY sessions. DIY sessions are sessions outside of training periods, where the better few are invited by DIY IC's to train up their skills and perform better during training time.
I always yearned from that text to feel included. To not feel forgotten.
Depression took over and I dragged myself to go for CCA. Hated tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays but yet I kept going on because I had this quote constantly replaying in my mind -
Just when you're about to give up, think about why you held on so long in the first place.
That kept me going. You guys would argue and say that I lack passion for the sport. Yes I did, but that huge burning campfire turned into a single candle flame in due time.
I became obsess with my weight. No fast food. Cut down soft drinks. No chips/snacks. Exercise 1-2x a week aside from normal CCA (3x a week) Cut down on my food intake.
I felt weak and hungry all the time.
While others enjoy their McSpicy or their 2-piece meal from KFC, I'd head over to the coffee shop and order chicken rice and not eat the skin & fats.
While others drank oreo ice blended bubble tea with pearl, I had lychee red tea less sugar no pearls.
You wouldn't think it's a big deal to you, but for a glutton like me, it was a challenge.
I started my cheerleading life weighing at 56kg, at a height of 168cm.
Tried my very best to lose all that weight so that I could be below the 50kg mark, but I never made it.
In fact, here are a few 'prices' I paid:
Gastric problems. Training starts at 6pm, I don't eat after 5pm as I don't want to risk any puke-fiest or any nausea feeling. Dinner is always after 10pm, sometimes even at 11pm when training ends late. Because of my irregular meal timings, my stomach suffered. The acid (or gastric juices) corroded the walls of my stomach so badly, to a point I have difficulty breathing which leads me to take shorter and quicker breaths, instead of our normal deep, long breaths.
Constant bruises. My mother realized that I always had blue-blacks around my body, arms, waist, knees and that caused a lot of worry for her. Honestly, put yourself in her shoes - If you being a mother, sees your child covered in blue-blacks, wouldn't you feel worried & advice her to stop whatever that was the cause of it?
Finally, concussion. On the day of Nationals, I had the worst fall ever. I fell once in a 1.5m drain on my spine in primary school but thankfully nothing serious. But this will be one incident I'll never forget.
I was doing stunts with him, oh what a dream. To do stunts with your loved one on the day of Nationals, taking pictures on the cheer mats. I don't blame anyone but myself, up till this day. I'm incapable of doing such stunts without proper footwear, and I lack the skills, weigh a ton so there's no one to blame but oneself. I fell on my head, towards the right about 2.5-3m high. No one caught me and I had direct impact to the right side of my head. Immediate black out and I couldn't hear my surroundings. I was left with my sense of touch and I could feel someone grabbing me up and holding onto me to sit up right. I was limp and my hearing was faint. I could hear someone yelling behind 'Why didn't you catch her? You were standing there right?' 'Open your eyes debbie, don't close them.' It was a real challenge in fact, opening my eyes never felt so difficult and I felt so weak, like my energy was completely drained out from my body. Someone scooped me up (him) and headed for the doctor's at White Sands (opp where we were). On the way there, I realized my vision was a bit different. There were lights streaming at the side of my eyes, sometimes even a patch of lights.
The doctor's were closed so he called his father & they sent me to a 24-hour clinic nearby their place. Doctor asked me to head to the hospital for a future check-up and that was when I finally broke down.
Questions like 'How will my mother react? What will be wrong with me? Why can't I remember the date? (I loss my memory for awhile there, but how could it be when I knew the date for Nationals so clearly!)' were running through my mind and I was filled with worry and immense pain in my head.
The doctor at the Raffles Hospital said I was physically fine but he wasn't too sure if the impact did any damage to my head & urged me to go for a MRI/CT scan - which cost $800 (exclusive of doctor's fee, extra charges, medicine etc...) I had to call my mum to update her.
She yelled over the phone and asked me to come home. She didn't care if I was fine or not, but I was given clear instructions to return home immediately. I cried all the way back and she refused to talk to me until the next day.
Cried myself to bed, cried because every time I closed my eyes, flashbacks keep playing and nightmares never seem to end and I was in trauma.
I didn't leave my room, I hated the sun and noises. I wore shades & carried an umbrella when I went out because the sun would give me a headache. I hated people talking because they sounded so loud and I wanted to cry because for the next whole week I was haunted by cheerleading.
I was sent for treatment with my doctor and I went for 4 sessions, half an hour each time which cost $360 in total. ($360 = 2hours) until he fixed my concussion.
However, until now I still experience nightmares occasionally and memories just start replaying when I go to the sports complex or when I meet any of them. I am free from concussion but the trauma still remains.
He & I didn't last because there was just too much to handle. How could I be happy with someone who constantly brings me bad memories of my cheerleading history? We constantly tried to work it out but avoiding the past isn't going to make the future better when it'd always be there, like a scar.
I'm sure at one point or another, you guys said 'Debbie's not worth it. Why should you quit something you love (cheerleading) for her? She doesn't care about your happiness.' But stop and think, where were you guys when I needed some comfort and care? To tell me that I will pull through? That every thing will be ok? Or did you even know I had a fall? All this time in cheer, what I wanted was acceptance, to feel like a team. But I finally know - that is something I'd never get, even though I'd put my all in this sport.
I am not seeking a pity party but before you start judging me, I just want you to hear my side of the story first.
Let's start with the good ones:
I met him. My first proper relationship. I wouldn't say the previous ones were just for fun, but they were stepping stones to help me make the right decisions in future.
Well, the bad ones:
For the first year of my Polytechnic life, my self-esteem and confidence level took a deep plunge downhill. I was deemed as 'fat' / 'heavy' in the team. I was always the last to get picked, to be given a shot. No one wanted to do stunts with me and soon I was demoted from a flyer, to a base.
Female bases, they would call us. We had to train our thigh and arm muscles. Squats. Frog jumps.
While we stared at the lighter ones flyer and soaring in the air, jumping for joy when they completed the stunt. That instant glow, that smile that shone so brightly across their face. I yearned for it. I just wanted a second of that joy.
Days passed and everyone that I was paired up to base with, left. Everyone wanted to be a flyer. So did I.
When I was the last one left, I asked the coach 'Can I train to be a flyer now since I don't have a partner?' 'Okay' was his reply and I was delighted.
I thought this could be the end of my misery. A turning point in my days of being a cheerleader. The light at the end of the tunnel.
But nothing changed. I felt left out, once again.
I was far behind all the other girls. The last in fact. I had to catch up with them, but I was never invited by the coach or by the IC's for DIY sessions. DIY sessions are sessions outside of training periods, where the better few are invited by DIY IC's to train up their skills and perform better during training time.
I always yearned from that text to feel included. To not feel forgotten.
Depression took over and I dragged myself to go for CCA. Hated tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays but yet I kept going on because I had this quote constantly replaying in my mind -
Just when you're about to give up, think about why you held on so long in the first place.
That kept me going. You guys would argue and say that I lack passion for the sport. Yes I did, but that huge burning campfire turned into a single candle flame in due time.
I became obsess with my weight. No fast food. Cut down soft drinks. No chips/snacks. Exercise 1-2x a week aside from normal CCA (3x a week) Cut down on my food intake.
I felt weak and hungry all the time.
While others enjoy their McSpicy or their 2-piece meal from KFC, I'd head over to the coffee shop and order chicken rice and not eat the skin & fats.
While others drank oreo ice blended bubble tea with pearl, I had lychee red tea less sugar no pearls.
You wouldn't think it's a big deal to you, but for a glutton like me, it was a challenge.
I started my cheerleading life weighing at 56kg, at a height of 168cm.
Tried my very best to lose all that weight so that I could be below the 50kg mark, but I never made it.
In fact, here are a few 'prices' I paid:
Gastric problems. Training starts at 6pm, I don't eat after 5pm as I don't want to risk any puke-fiest or any nausea feeling. Dinner is always after 10pm, sometimes even at 11pm when training ends late. Because of my irregular meal timings, my stomach suffered. The acid (or gastric juices) corroded the walls of my stomach so badly, to a point I have difficulty breathing which leads me to take shorter and quicker breaths, instead of our normal deep, long breaths.
Constant bruises. My mother realized that I always had blue-blacks around my body, arms, waist, knees and that caused a lot of worry for her. Honestly, put yourself in her shoes - If you being a mother, sees your child covered in blue-blacks, wouldn't you feel worried & advice her to stop whatever that was the cause of it?
Finally, concussion. On the day of Nationals, I had the worst fall ever. I fell once in a 1.5m drain on my spine in primary school but thankfully nothing serious. But this will be one incident I'll never forget.
I was doing stunts with him, oh what a dream. To do stunts with your loved one on the day of Nationals, taking pictures on the cheer mats. I don't blame anyone but myself, up till this day. I'm incapable of doing such stunts without proper footwear, and I lack the skills, weigh a ton so there's no one to blame but oneself. I fell on my head, towards the right about 2.5-3m high. No one caught me and I had direct impact to the right side of my head. Immediate black out and I couldn't hear my surroundings. I was left with my sense of touch and I could feel someone grabbing me up and holding onto me to sit up right. I was limp and my hearing was faint. I could hear someone yelling behind 'Why didn't you catch her? You were standing there right?' 'Open your eyes debbie, don't close them.' It was a real challenge in fact, opening my eyes never felt so difficult and I felt so weak, like my energy was completely drained out from my body. Someone scooped me up (him) and headed for the doctor's at White Sands (opp where we were). On the way there, I realized my vision was a bit different. There were lights streaming at the side of my eyes, sometimes even a patch of lights.
The doctor's were closed so he called his father & they sent me to a 24-hour clinic nearby their place. Doctor asked me to head to the hospital for a future check-up and that was when I finally broke down.
Questions like 'How will my mother react? What will be wrong with me? Why can't I remember the date? (I loss my memory for awhile there, but how could it be when I knew the date for Nationals so clearly!)' were running through my mind and I was filled with worry and immense pain in my head.
The doctor at the Raffles Hospital said I was physically fine but he wasn't too sure if the impact did any damage to my head & urged me to go for a MRI/CT scan - which cost $800 (exclusive of doctor's fee, extra charges, medicine etc...) I had to call my mum to update her.
She yelled over the phone and asked me to come home. She didn't care if I was fine or not, but I was given clear instructions to return home immediately. I cried all the way back and she refused to talk to me until the next day.
Cried myself to bed, cried because every time I closed my eyes, flashbacks keep playing and nightmares never seem to end and I was in trauma.
I didn't leave my room, I hated the sun and noises. I wore shades & carried an umbrella when I went out because the sun would give me a headache. I hated people talking because they sounded so loud and I wanted to cry because for the next whole week I was haunted by cheerleading.
I was sent for treatment with my doctor and I went for 4 sessions, half an hour each time which cost $360 in total. ($360 = 2hours) until he fixed my concussion.
However, until now I still experience nightmares occasionally and memories just start replaying when I go to the sports complex or when I meet any of them. I am free from concussion but the trauma still remains.
He & I didn't last because there was just too much to handle. How could I be happy with someone who constantly brings me bad memories of my cheerleading history? We constantly tried to work it out but avoiding the past isn't going to make the future better when it'd always be there, like a scar.
I'm sure at one point or another, you guys said 'Debbie's not worth it. Why should you quit something you love (cheerleading) for her? She doesn't care about your happiness.' But stop and think, where were you guys when I needed some comfort and care? To tell me that I will pull through? That every thing will be ok? Or did you even know I had a fall? All this time in cheer, what I wanted was acceptance, to feel like a team. But I finally know - that is something I'd never get, even though I'd put my all in this sport.
I am not seeking a pity party but before you start judging me, I just want you to hear my side of the story first.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
25
I want to speak to you but I'm going to forbid myself. Social media tempts me so much, I feel like deleting everything away.
Yet, I'm not strong enough to delete our albums. So (in case) you'd want to look at them, they're still there.
Because one day, when I'm brave - I'll finally decide to move on and when that day comes, I don't want anything stopping me in my way.
Your life isn't miserable. You have friends you can trust, if you open up to them. You have a talent, which is good cos' clearly I haven't found mine yet. Thus, you have something to fall back on, something that you love doing.
Whereas, me on the other hand - is a lost, wandering soul, still finding which way to go about in life. Unsure of all the paths ahead in future. Will this be something I find success in? Or will it be something I fail (again) in?
Once again, so many questions left unanswered.
Yet, I'm not strong enough to delete our albums. So (in case) you'd want to look at them, they're still there.
Because one day, when I'm brave - I'll finally decide to move on and when that day comes, I don't want anything stopping me in my way.
Your life isn't miserable. You have friends you can trust, if you open up to them. You have a talent, which is good cos' clearly I haven't found mine yet. Thus, you have something to fall back on, something that you love doing.
Whereas, me on the other hand - is a lost, wandering soul, still finding which way to go about in life. Unsure of all the paths ahead in future. Will this be something I find success in? Or will it be something I fail (again) in?
Once again, so many questions left unanswered.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
23
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Christmas is coming and I'm feeling all 'christmas-y' while giving away lollipops to my good friends in school. Wish I had more to spare and spread the love all around! That sense of joy when you get a 'thank you' or a simple 'Merry Christmas to you too' wish back. Just wanna bask in sheer and blissful happiness everyday.
It's a constant battle between the heart and the mind, everyday. Feeling fearful and yet at the same time, wanting to see you. "Why do I keep inflicting pain to oneself?" Is something I question myself all the time.
No.
I do not deserve to be hurt and neither do I deserve to be loved.
xx
"Every time you close a door, you open new ones, new dreams, new obstacles. And you are one door closer to meeting the one."
I want to sing in an empty auditorium when I feel empty.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
21
I may have just made one of the biggest decisions in my life, but somehow I feel alright. I'm not crying or sobbing my heart out, but instead I'm feeling rather calm. (that's what happened a few months ago, then after days later I broke down and I felt like an emotional wreck)
Been really sick of the criticism/mocking I get recently, even if they're from my closest friends. It seems fine to them to diss each other once in awhile, but I can't seem to forget them. I do hold my grudges really tightly and that's definitely one flaw I'd like to correct.
I'm totally entrusting Daddy God with all my life's decisions right now and I'm very sure he'll take care of every one of them too.
I know I won't be able to find someone as loyal as you, someone who'd sacrifice all that just for me and someone who can withstand my pettiness, jealousy and stubbornness.
But I'm not going to try.
I'm going to lead my life confidently and independently from now on. I'm not going to do it because YOU doubted me but it has been on my mind for awhile back and I think with the help of Daddy God, I'll be a-ok.
My biggest impact in my polytechnic life is now gone so fill up this empty heart o'lord.
Been really sick of the criticism/mocking I get recently, even if they're from my closest friends. It seems fine to them to diss each other once in awhile, but I can't seem to forget them. I do hold my grudges really tightly and that's definitely one flaw I'd like to correct.
I'm totally entrusting Daddy God with all my life's decisions right now and I'm very sure he'll take care of every one of them too.
I know I won't be able to find someone as loyal as you, someone who'd sacrifice all that just for me and someone who can withstand my pettiness, jealousy and stubbornness.
But I'm not going to try.
I'm going to lead my life confidently and independently from now on. I'm not going to do it because YOU doubted me but it has been on my mind for awhile back and I think with the help of Daddy God, I'll be a-ok.
My biggest impact in my polytechnic life is now gone so fill up this empty heart o'lord.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Been busy with housework recently because the maid's no longer around, mum's getting old & everyone else is busy with school or work. But I really hate how I come home & mum greets me with a frown, or better yet - starts nagging at me at how tired she is doing the laundry & no one gives a damn. I think that my family's pretty reliant on the maid.
It's time I grew up & starting doing/contributing something for this family. Not to mention the financial difficulties we're currently having. Going to lay off from my shopaholic addiction for now & maybe go back to work once in awhile in December during the holidays.
Work load has been piling recently. It sucks how as the weeks pass, so does the amount of information that we're gathering in school (duh!) but SG needs to take it down a notch :(
Well, the washing machine's beeping now & it's time to hang the clothes g'night all and have a great December!
PS: Christmas is coming, definitely a day to look forward to :)
Here's a little something I learnt recently! Thank you Kris for teaching me :)
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
20
It's been long since I just updated my blog and I'm pretty down with all the things that have happened over the past few days and I'm about to crumble, any moment now.
After a week of rushing 4 assignments, I finally had one day of rest.
Didn't get a good sleep over the weekend and this week I've already had one skills test & one emceeing job. Coming up I have one performance, one super heavy assignment due (15-20 page long proposal due this Fri) as well as an audition which I am totally unprepared for.
All I get this week - people not playing their part in what they're supposed to do. Last minute changes. No response. Attitude. Irresponsible people crossing my path.
I'm not trying to say I'm not at fault at all. Yes I am, it's my fault for taking on too many commitments which I am unable to devote my time to.
But if you were in my shoes, wouldn't you crumble too?
How would you feel if I just went MIA on you? Disappeared and throw all the problems to you? Do you know how many people I have to answer to?
I don't even have time to catch up with people or have a good chat with my friends anymore.
I am clearly wasting my time blogging but I know for sure that I can't explain any of these to anyone without them correcting me, telling me it's what I clearly asked for and what not.
I really want to just be alone. I don't have time to talk to my family anymore because I am spending unnecessary time in school trying to clear up people's messes.
After this week - no more. I just want to live life for myself and not have to keep answering to people.
After a week of rushing 4 assignments, I finally had one day of rest.
Didn't get a good sleep over the weekend and this week I've already had one skills test & one emceeing job. Coming up I have one performance, one super heavy assignment due (15-20 page long proposal due this Fri) as well as an audition which I am totally unprepared for.
All I get this week - people not playing their part in what they're supposed to do. Last minute changes. No response. Attitude. Irresponsible people crossing my path.
I'm not trying to say I'm not at fault at all. Yes I am, it's my fault for taking on too many commitments which I am unable to devote my time to.
But if you were in my shoes, wouldn't you crumble too?
How would you feel if I just went MIA on you? Disappeared and throw all the problems to you? Do you know how many people I have to answer to?
I don't even have time to catch up with people or have a good chat with my friends anymore.
I am clearly wasting my time blogging but I know for sure that I can't explain any of these to anyone without them correcting me, telling me it's what I clearly asked for and what not.
I really want to just be alone. I don't have time to talk to my family anymore because I am spending unnecessary time in school trying to clear up people's messes.
After this week - no more. I just want to live life for myself and not have to keep answering to people.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
19
What is the purpose of my life on this earth?
Only God knows.
As the days go by, one by one, I see my friends finding a talent or something that they're good at. People notice it and I feel envious.
I can't seem to inspire myself, much less anyone else. I don't have anything I'm good at. Unless you count being good at nothing is a talent, then I guess 'Hey I've found it!'
People always have that passion for the things they do, but I feel like the weakest link at everything I do. I can't seem to excel in whatever I do. Studies - no. CCA - no (twice in fact!)
I don't know why/what am I living for now. Trying to juggle two jobs, CCA, social life, love life - is really tiring and tedious. One by one, I feel like giving up on everything and live a life where you I can be invisible.
Forgive me for I've failed you.
xx, debs
Only God knows.
As the days go by, one by one, I see my friends finding a talent or something that they're good at. People notice it and I feel envious.
I can't seem to inspire myself, much less anyone else. I don't have anything I'm good at. Unless you count being good at nothing is a talent, then I guess 'Hey I've found it!'
People always have that passion for the things they do, but I feel like the weakest link at everything I do. I can't seem to excel in whatever I do. Studies - no. CCA - no (twice in fact!)
I don't know why/what am I living for now. Trying to juggle two jobs, CCA, social life, love life - is really tiring and tedious. One by one, I feel like giving up on everything and live a life where you I can be invisible.
Forgive me for I've failed you.
xx, debs
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
18
Don't you feel that there are some days you just want to go into hiding and just throw all your cares & worries away for awhile and truly enjoy life?
So I kinda disappeared from Whatsapp, Twitter & Facebook over the past few days & I apologize to those of you who were worried especially 'my family'. I'm fine :)
I've never had the feeling that I wanted to be alone before, but I guess this time it just hit me and I just wanted to stop communicating with the world and it felt good. I feel tired of telling people what's on my mind or how's life. Sometimes I feel like I bother people too much with my problems. But I'm still the same debbie, I didn't become an anti-social person over the week but I just feel better this way? Like I'm invisible?
I just want to be less reliant on my phone or any electronic gadgets. Thankfully, I have work to keep me preoccupied & many activities for the remaining 2 weeks before school starts too! Been coping with two jobs over the holidays and I'd be proud to say that I'm FINALLY making full use of my time during the holidays. I used to just waste my time going out or watching TV shows on my laptop but now I seldom get to use my computer cos' by the time I get home, I'm either too sick or too tired to do anything.
I'm not cash-strapped or anything but I feel obliged to help out with the finances in the family. With mum almost hitting retirement age, I realize that I too, should do my part to contribute to the biggest pillar of my life and my source of strength - my mum. I love you Mum & I don't want you to work so hard, I promise to help out with the family & study harder for your sake :)
Also made a point to cut down on my alcohol intake as well as not go to a club until I'm fully matured because I know there are dangers lurking out there and I want to stay as 'danger-free' as I can. Or at least till I'm ready to handle all my problems. Never thought this day would come since I had always been waiting for the day to turn 18 so that I can hit the clubs, but now I just feel that I'm not ready for it.
Finally went to church after 2 weeks and I'd say - it never felt better to be back in the Lord's presence. My babies in church seem to be growing and my arms are aching after carrying my little angel's! Josiah's face literally lit up when he saw me and ran from afar with arms wide open :) It feels good to be around kids and I can't wait to have my own little kiddos!! OH and not to mention, I'm going to be an aunt (again!) Korkor Darren & Mel are having a baby!! :) I pray for a healthy baby as well as a smooth delivery for Jiejie Mel!
School's starting in 2 weeks time and I'm going to make it a point to do better this sem! Or at least hit a 3.5 for my next sem's GPA. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
xx, debs
Sunday, September 30, 2012
17
Yes, I have to wear make up to work :(
So far, I've only had 2 official dates of working with Awfully Chocolate. It sucks how there are 300 girls in the Facebook group with about 9-10 different outlets. I mean there's only 4 people to work everyday, do you really need to keep recruiting girls? Every time our manager posts the work schedule the Facebook group, it's like The Hunger Games all over again! We'll have to hurry comment/sms our managers to get the slots we want. I sent 2 full weeks of working schedule to my manager at ION and I got 2 dates only..... JUST TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSE TO EARN MONEY GUISE?!
I give up working at ION, I'm going to go all out at Greenwich :) Anyway, I've got opening shift tomorrow at ION, so drop by to visit me for those of you who will be at town area ^^
xx, debs
16
Had a mini getaway with the loveliest angmoh Tanya for 3 days to Hard Rock Hotel at Resort World Sentosa. The place is simply amazing - from the reception, to the pool, to the shops outside of Hard Rock. For awhile there, it didn't even feel like we were living in Singapore.
Look we even had Bob Marley with us in our room!
Even the toiletries were so cute!
Met up with the gang for dinner at Old Town Coffee at Orchard Cineleisure.
It was a triple date for all of us, and yes, that includes T & myself.
The amazing view from our room
~Sushi time~
So.... Bob & Kaisen came over, we rented a studio to take pictures!
Ok no I kid, it's the elevator.
JUST LOOK AT THEIR ARMS @$#^%&
Thank you so much for coming over to crash T & my honeymoon though. Haha, couldn't have asked for a better company!
Grabbed a Peach Margarita at Wavehouse with T and just talked our whole afternoon away until we decided to move our butts and head to town to pamper our nails! Me and my cheapo self got an express mani pedi for $10.
Really love the whole pastel phase that I'm going through now. H&M has pastel green jeans for $40! Gonna grab it for sure next month after I get my pay hehe!
I really want to go shopping, my clothes are so outdated now sigh.
xx, debs
Thursday, September 20, 2012
15
So I've been trying to juggle two jobs recently. Not that I've had my first day of working two jobs in a day yet but I'm feeling so tired already. And suddenly, all the plans start piling and my holidays are definitely going to pass in a blink of an eye!
Once the month of October starts, I'll be working morning shifts at Awfully Chocolate and then heading over to my cousin's tuition centre that is only open at certain nights of the week for a couple of hours as an admin staff. I'd prepare worksheets for the teachers/students before they come in class and other administration work. At first, I wasn't looking for a job because of money, but to occupy my free time during the holidays. But ever since my family decided to go to Phuket at the end of the year, I realized that I've got to save up for the expenses I'm going to have during my mini getaway.
The real world is really intimidating. I dislike how some people are so shallow and it's really upsetting to hear such things coming out of people's mouths.
Also, I kind of dislike watching movies too. How it's always filled with some sexual scenes or vulgarities in the show. I know Kickass and Jump Street 21 is a really good show, but I wished that there wouldn't be any vulgarities in it. Then it would definitely make it to my top few favourite shows of all time! Now it's all just cartoons, because in cartoons, there isn't anything explicit and neither is there any vulgarities.
I just downloaded Grease's soundtrack and it's really sad how songs nowadays have no meaning. Some profess satanic views, sexual, drugs, rebellion.
Someone once told me 'Why do you take it out on society? You can't stop society from being this way.' but all I wanted was some comforting and not you lashing out on me.
Friday, September 14, 2012
14
The day I thought I could bake.
Spent my thursday afternoon walking around my estate finding the cheapest ingredients & supplies I needed to make my craving-of-the-month - Red Velvet Cupcakes. Mhmm, previously rach & karen had a baking sesh & their cupcakes looked really amazing! So I decided to give it a shot too!
Managed to get such cute & lovely cupcake sleeves! 40 sleeves for $4 sigh.
Currently, my total expenditure is $35.
I know it looks like red paint, but I swear this is the mix. Oh and remember this colour.
Aren't the sleeves just really cuteeee :)
Instructions said to fill: 3/4 cup, but I didn't want it to overflow...
But now I know, the recipe is always right :(
I started to panic when I saw my cupcakes erupting like a volcano......... But who knew, that if the mix rises, it actually helps you when you are putting the frosting on it!
I finally started making the best part (or at least I think it is!) of the cupcake -
CREAM CHEESE FROSTING mhhmmmm~
And you see the Philadeplphia cream cheese block, yup that's $5.
I had to buy 2...... So yeah, that's just $10 spent on cheese!!!
*drumroll please*
That's my end product!
Which firstly, doesn't look RED at all & secondly,
I had no idea how to slap on the cheese frosting - so I really tried my best I promiseeeee!!
Now I have like 8 tupperware's FILLED with 'Red' Velvet cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting,
err ANYONE?
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
13
2 King-sized Beds
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The wonderful view from our window
My virgin experience at EWF (Everything With Fries)
Mini movie marathon - managed to catch The Dictator & Tangled.
Lots of goodies to last for the whole night
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Typical Singaporean breakfast - Ya Kun Kaya Toast
Checked in on Monday afternoon at my family's country club - Changi Beach Club with J. After admiring the lovely scenery we had from our room and bouncing around our King-sized beds, we headed to Joo Chiat for my interview at Awfully Chocolate's Headquarters. J was a sweetheart, poor soul had to wait in the 7-eleven next door for an hour until I was done with my interview. He then brought me to eat a scrumptious meal at Everything With Fries or more commonly known as EWF. Ordered Grilled Pork Chop with Curry Fries and he had Spaghetti Bolognese with Sour Cream & Onion Fries. Both were extremely yummy! He finally satisfied his craving for Nutella Milkshake, which makes me wonder - why didn't I chose to work for EWF instead of Awfully Chocolate?! Cabbed back to our hotel as the sun was starting to set, napped & caught a couple of movies that night! Got hungry and then we realized that we didn't have any utensils to eat our cup noodles! So we resorted to eating our noodles with coffee tea spoons as it was 3am & the staff were not at the counter either. Finally managed to hit the sack at about 5am all the way until we woke up at 11am to bathe & check out. Even though it was 1pm, we still went ahead to Ya Kun Kaya Toast and have breakfast haha!
It was a great start to my hectic week and I would say that I truly enjoyed myself. I love you, J ♥
xx, debs
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