26

"Tell me a lie" 

"I don't love you"

25

I want to speak to you but I'm going to forbid myself. Social media tempts me so much, I feel like deleting everything away.

Yet, I'm not strong enough to delete our albums. So (in case) you'd want to look at them, they're still there.

Because one day, when I'm brave - I'll finally decide to move on and when that day comes, I don't want anything stopping me in my way.

Your life isn't miserable. You have friends you can trust, if you open up to them. You have a talent, which is good cos' clearly I haven't found mine yet. Thus, you have something to fall back on, something that you love doing.

Whereas, me on the other hand - is a lost, wandering soul, still finding which way to go about in life. Unsure of all the paths ahead in future. Will this be something I find success in? Or will it be something I fail (again) in?

Once again, so many questions left unanswered.

24

Give me a good reason to believe in a thing called love. 

23

Christmas is coming and I'm feeling all 'christmas-y' while giving away lollipops to my good friends in school. Wish I had more to spare and spread the love all around! That sense of joy when you get a 'thank you' or a simple 'Merry Christmas to you too' wish back. Just wanna bask in sheer and blissful happiness everyday. 

It's a constant battle between the heart and the mind, everyday. Feeling fearful and yet at the same time, wanting to see you. "Why do I keep inflicting pain to oneself?" Is something I question myself all the time. 

No. 

I do not deserve to be hurt and neither do I deserve to be loved. 

xx 

"Every time you close a door, you open new ones, new dreams, new obstacles. And you are one door closer to meeting the one." 

I want to sing in an empty auditorium when I feel empty. 

22

21

I may have just made one of the biggest decisions in my life, but somehow I feel alright. I'm not crying or sobbing my heart out, but instead I'm feeling rather calm. (that's what happened a few months ago, then after days later I broke down and I felt like an emotional wreck) 

Been really sick of the criticism/mocking I get recently, even if they're from my closest friends. It seems fine to them to diss each other once in awhile, but I can't seem to forget them. I do hold my grudges really tightly and that's definitely one flaw I'd like to correct. 

I'm totally entrusting Daddy God with all my life's decisions right now and I'm very sure he'll take care of every one of them too.

I know I won't be able to find someone as loyal as you, someone who'd sacrifice all that just for me and someone who can withstand my pettiness, jealousy and stubbornness. 

But I'm not going to try. 

I'm going to lead my life confidently and independently from now on. I'm not going to do it because YOU doubted me but it has been on my mind for awhile back and I think with the help of Daddy God, I'll be a-ok. 

My biggest impact in my polytechnic life is now gone so fill up this empty heart o'lord.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Been busy with housework recently because the maid's no longer around, mum's getting old & everyone else is busy with school or work. But I really hate how I come home & mum greets me with a frown, or better yet - starts nagging at me at how tired she is doing the laundry & no one gives a damn. I think that my family's pretty reliant on the maid. 

It's time I grew up & starting doing/contributing something for this family. Not to mention the financial difficulties we're currently having. Going to lay off from my shopaholic addiction for now & maybe go back to work once in awhile in December during the holidays. 

Work load has been piling recently. It sucks how as the weeks pass, so does the amount of information that we're gathering in school (duh!) but SG needs to take it down a notch :( 

Well, the washing machine's beeping now & it's time to hang the clothes g'night all and have a great December! 

PS: Christmas is coming, definitely a day to look forward to :)

 Here's a little something I learnt recently! Thank you Kris for teaching me :) 

20

It's been long since I just updated my blog and I'm pretty down with all the things that have happened over the past few days and I'm about to crumble, any moment now.

After a week of rushing 4 assignments, I finally had one day of rest.

Didn't get a good sleep over the weekend and this week I've already had one skills test & one emceeing job. Coming up I have one performance, one super heavy assignment due (15-20 page long proposal due this Fri) as well as an audition which I am totally unprepared for.

All I get this week - people not playing their part in what they're supposed to do. Last minute changes. No response. Attitude. Irresponsible people crossing my path.

I'm not trying to say I'm not at fault at all. Yes I am, it's my fault for taking on too many commitments which I am unable to devote my time to.

But if you were in my shoes, wouldn't you crumble too?

How would you feel if I just went MIA on you? Disappeared and throw all the problems to you? Do you know how many people I have to answer to?

I don't even have time to catch up with people or have a good chat with my friends anymore.

I am clearly wasting my time blogging but I know for sure that I can't explain any of these to anyone without them correcting me, telling me it's what I clearly asked for and what not.

I really want to just be alone. I don't have time to talk to my family anymore because I am spending unnecessary time in school trying to clear up people's messes.

After this week - no more. I just want to live life for myself and not have to keep answering to people.