12

My Aunt, Jeanette, from the States occasionally forwards me emails from Pastor Joel Osteen and here's what it said yesterday:

Are you struggling with trying to make a dream come to pass? Are you frustrated in a relationship, trying to make someone else change or live right? You may mean well, you may have good goals, but if you are trying to orchestrate things to happen your way, on your timetable, you are only going to frustrate yourself. At some point, you have to turn those circumstances over to God and trust that He has your best interest at heart. 

How do you turn things over to God? Start by making the choice and declaring your resolve. Simply say, 'Father, I choose to let You be God of this situation. I take my hands off. I trust you." Then, choose to worship Him. Worship is one of the best ways to set your heart and mind in the right place. You can't worry and worship at the same time! Worship is a sign that you are trusting God; worry is a sign that you are trying to control things. 

Today, take the pressure off yourself and turn things over to God. Give Him control and let Him take your setbacks and turn them into comebacks. Remember, the God who holds the universe holds you in the palm of His hand. Trust Him and let God be God in every area of your life! 

It's amazing how Daddy God sends these messages to people around me and sometimes even through their speech, it enlightens me or is the answer to my problem. I'm just going to trust in Daddy God for he knows all the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me, plans to give me a good life ahead.

I trust in you Lord. Jesus you take the wheel.

Amen.

xx, debs.

11

Two songs that are constantly playing in my head:- Skyscraper by Demi Lovato & The Fighter ft. Ryan Tedder by Gym Class Heroes.

Firstly, the lyrics for Skyscraper goes like this:

"You can take everything I have, you can break everything I am. Like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground. Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper." 

Secondly, the lyrics for The Fighter goes like this:

"Give them hell, turn their heads. Gonna live life till we're dead. Give them scars, give them pain. Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me. There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter, here comes a fighter. That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me, this one's a fighter." 

Really inspirational right? And the most amazing part is that the ukulele chords for both songs are exactly the same, so..... that calls for a mashup :)

"I read somewhere that it only takes 3 minutes to feel hurt. After that, it's all up to yourself."- Tanya

T told me this last week and it never left my mind every single time I feel hurt. Yes, the world is unfair, things are not always going to happen your way, but that doesn't mean you stop, cry and give up on life. I learned that life is really precious and fragile. TP just lost a brave brother, Isaac Tng. Even though I don't know him personally, but from what everyone's been tweeting & saying, he must have been a great person & such a waste that I didn't get to meet someone like him. I'm sure you're looking down and smiling from heaven, rest in peace Isaac :)

10

Took this before I left for my one and only exam paper last Friday, 24 Aug. It was to wish everyone the best of luck before their exams! Hang in there and press on for those of you who are still in the midst of their exam week, it won't be long before you guys will be able to smell your freedom!! 

Met J on Saturday and I would say it was the highlight of my week. I missed him so very much and I'm glad to say that things are a million times much better now! I messed up big time over the past few weeks and I'm glad he's decided to start afresh in the upcoming holidays. *big thumbs up* 

"It feels good to be home again" - J 

Church was simply refreshing today. The word was amazing and I really wished I had brought my friends to church to listen to Pastor's message. Mum told me once that we are brought to this earth to be 'Fisherman' of Christ, we have to bring 'Fishes' or our friends to know more about our wonderful savior, Jesus Christ, but I never felt as though I wanted to do that. I merely wanted a simple and happy life. But now, I feel the need to 'save' my friends and tell them more about this brilliant Daddy God! So don't mind me if I get all holy/religious, I just feel happy spreading this amazing grace that the Lord has given to me. 

Things I've learnt today - 

1. Our prayers are imperfect, but every time you said 'in the name of Jesus', it becomes a perfect prayer! 

2. God gave men free will. If God had stopped Adam & Eve from eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they wouldn't have free choice! But instead, he gives us free will so that in turn, he can send something/someone (his son Jesus Christ) to redeem us! 

3. If God doesn't want to give you something, don't keep wanting to take it. Receive from the Lord whatever he gives to you because he knows what you already need! If you keep taking/wanting something and use your own strength to get it, it might not be something positive & you will get hurt in time to come > you get frustrated > blame the Lord. So why use your own strength when you can simply wait upon the Lord to provide something amazing for you & all you have to do is to receive it!! 

Alright, I'm going to head to bed & look forward to the amazing 2 months holiday that I'm going to have! 

xx, debs 

9

Just close your eyes, you'll be alright. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe & sound.

Today was a pretty sucky day, but thank God for Tanya & Bobby! Even though at night I tend to doubt the Lord as to why he's putting me through obstacle after obstacle, I look back and I feel much stronger. During this past few weeks of ups & downs, I've became closer to my friends - Tanya, Karen, Kaisen, Suryan & now Bobby! I've learned who are my true friends and who are not. Who are simply worth your time and who's not. Really thankful for all the new friends I've made, maybe they are to replace the ones who aren't worth my time and effort.

Used. Once again I feel so used. Every guy just wants to make use of me to get to know my friends. Just because I'm easy to approach, they would chose the easy way out and ask me stuff about them then proceed to hitting on my friends.

This is why I REALLY hate technology. Guys don't ask you face to face for your number anymore. They either Facebook inbox you or direct message you on twitter. It really sucks how different things are now and when they were in the 60s/70s. Where holding hands was something special and a kiss meant a promise.

Argh I'm not even making any sense now. It's 1.30am and I've got a paper at 9am. Wish me all the best :)

xx, debs

8

Good Morning everyone! I hope you're having a splendid start to your day too. Sigh, hate how I don't own an iPhone = no Instagram. BUT, I do have a decent camera & a good editing website so take that~

Pretty determine to study today! Going to finish lectures 10-15 today, or at least manage to skim through all of them. Realize that I don't actually have much time left (1 day in fact) so I've decided to stay at home to complete my work. Either that or I'm going to head to my country club and study!

Attempted to study with the lovely gang yesterday, but ended up eating and eating some more at IKEA with Tanya, Karen, Kaisen, Suryan & Mizah :) Left around 7ish and headed to Tampines Mall to study at Starbucks with the dear girl all the way until 10.30pm. Saw some Bizpark warriors /waddup! Feeling quite sad that I won't be able to go to school/see my friends as often as I do for the next 2 months. Sigh, I'm going to miss everyone dearly :'(

Enough of that, it's time to get cracking ^^ Fingers crossed for a productive day ahead :) Same goes for everyone who is studying/trying to study too!

John 14:27 Peace I live with you, my peace I give unto you. 

xx, debs

7

Here's a brief update of my past weekend!

School's finally out for a study break before my exam this Friday, 10 Aug. Had a great dinner with Karen, Kaisen, Tanya, Karen's sis & her boyf last friday at Pepper Lunch! Ended off having HTHT session with m'lovely Tanya. Really love pouring my heart out with her, even though it's only temporal but it's just really nice to know that there's at least one person out there that understands your feelings.

'Every time the Lord closes a door, he opens another one for you.' For awhile there, I thought you were the one for me, but I was wrong. So now, I'm pretty excited to know who's behind the next door! 'Can't wait to finally meet my husband!' Saw a quote on tumblr which said 'Don't date anyone you don't see yourself marrying' and I felt it made a lot of sense. Last time, someone told me 'Since we are young, we should just "play" all we want because when we grow up, we have to take things seriously!' but instead, why can't we get together in hopes that we'll get married one day? I mean don't people usually hope their relationships last till they grow up & eventually settle down with one another? I tried to convince myself I didn't want anyone by my side, that I didn't need a partner to get by. But who am I kidding? I'm definitely not an independent person who can survive by myself, I constantly need someone to get me by.

Maybe God is putting me through trials and tribulations to mould me into an independent person, someone who relies less on others. (or maybe to prepare myself for my #foreveralone moments haha!) If that is what you are doing Lord, I'll follow.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

I really don't know what to do with you. I want to talk things out with you and settle it once and for all. But I feel that you're still 'obliged' to speak to me, so it's alright. I'll just hope here and pray.

Going to IKEA gave me mixed feelings. I was really excited to go there & have my favourite meatballs + chicken wings but at the same time it reminded me of the movie - 500 days of summer. There's one scene that I'd never forget;

'What is our status?'
'Who cares? I'm happy, you're happy! We don't have to put a label on it.'

This is my biggest fear. Loving someone that isn't going to like you back. Yes, not even 'love' but LIKE you back.

xx, debs

6

Today marks the two weeks ever since we hung out & I'm glad things are over. Guess you weren't really a nice person after all. No regrets because everything happens for a reason. Kinda glad that there's the holidays coming up soon so I won't have to face you in school since things are getting a bit awkward between us.

Had my Sociology presentation today and I would say I'm pretty sad that my Sociology journey has ended. Thanks to my group mates and fellow classmates, class was pretty exciting and I even look forward to going for a 2 hour class every thursday. Here are some pictures we took when class ended!

My awesome Sociology group! 

The only other group of friends which we knew in class! 

Wee Kiat! (100% chinese dude btw!) 

I bet everyone judged me for carrying my laptop everywhere to take photos with them. Miss Laurinda's so adorable (picture 4 - bottom right!) Everyone had a bit of time lag and only moved at photo 3 & 4 (Can boys, can)

Played Slender at the Mac Lab and I couldn't even bring myself to watch the screen. Jumped and fidgeted every few seconds and even went apeshit when our freshies entered the Mac Lab. Jethro was hilarious when he said 'Let's go to Mac Lab, they said. It'd be fun, they said.' cos' we ended up playing Slender. Honestly, the day I overcome my fear of ghosts/horror shows - is the day I finally become a woman :) 

7 more days to BMR exam. Must get an A for this test!! 30% of my grades! 

Off to bed now, nightssssss! 

xx, debs 

5

Church was great today. Felt really refreshed after a long night filled with lots of tears, screams and pain. Glad all of that is over & I hope you'll be fine. 

Supported JJ at his Finals for Kovan Superstar 2012 and I met a lot of new friends! Since I want to have 11 kids (boys in fact), all of them became my children today. So here's a picture of mummy with my football team!

Met the lovely Hashy to support JJ along with the rest of his friends, family and girlfriend! She's so sweet :)

Had Pizza Hut with the gang > chicken wings from Old Chang Kee > Selegie Tau Huey. I swear I scared all 11 of them with my appetite. Okay, must control my diet if not I'm going to die as a #foreveralone. 

Bought this cute bow headband thingy last week with Natsy for $9.90. Trying to go for the whole '70s' look but who am I kidding :(

Shall start to do my slides for my Sociology presentation now!

xx, debs.

4

Whenever anyone tells me to not care what people think, I'll say 'I won't' but how often are we able to put it to practice? It's hard to not feel judged 24/7. From the time you step out of your house till the hour you get back, I feel like I'm living for the people out there - living up to THEIR expectations. Primary and Secondary school years taught us a hell lot. One thing I'll never forget is that - in life there are backstabbers/betrayals. Be it one, or two or forty, you will definitely come across one asshole that will make your life miserable. And just because of that experience, you'll be more cautious of your actions because of all the gossip that has been circulating. I know they say 'If you have a clear conscious, you shouldn't be afraid', but isn't there that 1% of fear in your heart? I don't want to know what people say behind my back, least I feel that pain. But at the same time, I really have to learn to stop caring about what others are saying.

Hate all the teasing. Hate it every time someone says 'You don't talk, you aren't forever alone.' Oh hello, may I please emphasis on the fact that I am missing out that special someone in my life. I used to have someone, but things didn't work out. I tried to piece it back together but you refused to let it happen. Suddenly, two weeks later you started a conversation with me, I was so happy but you went ahead and ended it. Next thing I know you're ranting about me. Do you know how much I had to go through during that 'cold war' period? I plucked the courage to constantly start the conversation with you and even to keep it going, went out of the way to just spend a bus journey with you. Even though it was the quietest 1 hour bus ride, it was the best 1 hour after the break up. No, you didn't care. You didn't even bother to talk to me after that day and now you blame me and say you hate me? Not to make things worse, you are ignoring me. So much for sorting out stuff out and wanting to smile at each other when we meet in future. Now, we are just back to square 1 after the break up.

Used. I feel so used and I know it. I'm trying to resist myself and it's just so hard. After yesterday, things just took a downward turn straight to hell and I just feel like crying. When they asked me what am I going to do and all I wanted was to cry. But no, you don't deserve this. I'm sick and tired of being treated this way. Had this 1% hope that I might be the one to prove everyone else wrong but I failed. So upset and disappointed at myself for the thousandth time.

Not looking forward to school anymore. Not going to have happy mornings. So much for my life being great recently.

xx, debs.

3

Epic Chalet yesterday was one of the most mind-blowing chalets I had. It's been so long since I had so much freedom, fun and laughter. Besides that, I didn't manage to talk to you. I didn't want to talk to you drunk because I know I would totally crumble if I had to, but now I'm filled with regrets. Wish we spoke more and not just 'hi' and 'bye'. 

Met really fun people at the party like the girls who were all playing 5-10 with 9/10 of us. Karen had a hard time catching up with us, such a cutie pie! Nick david/ahlian came shortly after and all of us ran out to hug him! Glad you're doing great at your SPH internship. Second time in my life seeing Aruna so wasted. Tsk, this girl really proves the 'indians can hold their alcohol' logic wrong. 

Here are some snippets of the party :) 

Had so many heart to heart talks with all my closest friends. Especially want to give a shout-out to Tanya, Kaisen & Joshua for taking care of me, love you 3 to bitssssss :)

Hope to have more parties in future, even if it's to feel happy for just one day.

xx, debs

2

Haven't been catching much films recently so I've decided to torrent them ever since Tanya taught me how to use Vuze on my Mac. Not really good at these technology stuff but I'll try my best to keep up to date! 

The Dark Knight Rises, The Little Mermaid, Grease, Hairspray, Toy Story 1 & 2 are some of them which I've watched recently. More to come tomorrow :) Kinda excited to get into Film & Theory for next semester's module.

Also, I'm reading this book called 'Heaven is for Real' by Todd Burpo. It talks about his son Colton, aged 4, who went to Heaven and back for '3 minutes'. Colton's appendix had burst & he had to go for surgery immediately and it was during the surgery did he meet Daddy God. His innocence really captures my heart and makes me eager to read on! 'Everyone had wings, but mine were little' 'Jesus really loves kids' 'Jesus had a rainbow' 'He had the most beautiful eyes daddy!' Reading this was a great start to my day & it puts a smile on my face. Can't wait to be done reading this book!

Met up with my bestest, most greatest friend on earth - Natsy! Managed to grab yummy dinner from MOS burger, buy 3 notebooks for the price of $10 at Typo & had a great catch up session with her. Ever since we've gone our separate ways after Secondary school, we only manage to meet up once a month and so I treasure every moment with her! The best thing that happened today was during our conversation at MOS burger, she said 'I think God's going to make our lives better from now onwards.' and suddenly the song 'When you believe - Mariah Carey ft Whitney Houston' started playing and the lyrics are 'There can be miracles, when you believe' And just at that moment, you know God is talking to you. 

I love you Daddy God & I thank you for every possible thing in my life. 

And so much more to come :)

xx, debs

1

It's been two weeks ever since everything ended and I guess I'm proud to say that my most emotional period is over.

Life's been pretty amazing recently! I've done somethings to beautify(?) myself, okay nonsense. It's like when you lose a part of you, you'd just want to replace it with some else to help you fill up that emptiness?

Got my belly pierced on an impulse/YOLO moment! Haha, I'd say it's my best #YOLO moment so far! Thanks to my two lovelies - Tanya & Karen who managed to convince me to get it done. I love it & I'm so glad you two brought me there ♥ 

I know you can't really see it but it's a pink stud! :) 

Another thing is that I got my hair done! It was the most unexpected and 'failure-ish' hairdo so far. I wanted to dip-dye my hair blonde, but the outcome I got was light-brown. Hahah, disappointed at first but I guess I'm starting to love it so far :)

School has been pretty demanding recently and I think Bizpark is my second home? Especially at night around 7pm onwards, it's so empty you just want to sing so loudly there haha. 

Alright shall head back to study for BMR! Praise Daddy God for my first A in class & I must do well this semester so that the lecturers don't look down on me again :( 

xx, debs