19

What is the purpose of my life on this earth? 

Only God knows.

As the days go by, one by one, I see my friends finding a talent or something that they're good at. People notice it and I feel envious.

I can't seem to inspire myself, much less anyone else. I don't have anything I'm good at. Unless you count being good at nothing is a talent, then I guess 'Hey I've found it!'

People always have that passion for the things they do, but I feel like the weakest link at everything I do. I can't seem to excel in whatever I do. Studies - no. CCA - no (twice in fact!)

I don't know why/what am I living for now. Trying to juggle two jobs, CCA, social life, love life - is really tiring and tedious. One by one, I feel like giving up on everything and live a life where you I can be invisible.

Forgive me for I've failed you.

xx, debs

18

Don't you feel that there are some days you just want to go into hiding and just throw all your cares & worries away for awhile and truly enjoy life? 

So I kinda disappeared from Whatsapp, Twitter & Facebook over the past few days & I apologize to those of you who were worried especially 'my family'. I'm fine :)

I've never had the feeling that I wanted to be alone before, but I guess this time it just hit me and I just wanted to stop communicating with the world and it felt good. I feel tired of telling people what's on my mind or how's life. Sometimes I feel like I bother people too much with my problems. But I'm still the same debbie, I didn't become an anti-social person over the week but I just feel better this way? Like I'm invisible? 

I just want to be less reliant on my phone or any electronic gadgets. Thankfully, I have work to keep me preoccupied & many activities for the remaining 2 weeks before school starts too! Been coping with two jobs over the holidays and I'd be proud to say that I'm FINALLY making full use of my time during the holidays. I used to just waste my time going out or watching TV shows on my laptop but now I seldom get to use my computer cos' by the time I get home, I'm either too sick or too tired to do anything. 

I'm not cash-strapped or anything but I feel obliged to help out with the finances in the family. With mum almost hitting retirement age, I realize that I too, should do my part to contribute to the biggest pillar of my life and my source of strength - my mum. I love you Mum & I don't want you to work so hard, I promise to help out with the family & study harder for your sake :) 

Also made a point to cut down on my alcohol intake as well as not go to a club until I'm fully matured because I know there are dangers lurking out there and I want to stay as 'danger-free' as I can. Or at least till I'm ready to handle all my problems. Never thought this day would come since I had always been waiting for the day to turn 18 so that I can hit the clubs, but now I just feel that I'm not ready for it. 

Finally went to church after 2 weeks and I'd say - it never felt better to be back in the Lord's presence. My babies in church seem to be growing and my arms are aching after carrying my little angel's! Josiah's face literally lit up when he saw me and ran from afar with arms wide open :) It feels good to be around kids and I can't wait to have my own little kiddos!! OH and not to mention, I'm going to be an aunt (again!) Korkor Darren & Mel are having a baby!! :) I pray for a healthy baby as well as a smooth delivery for Jiejie Mel! 

School's starting in 2 weeks time and I'm going to make it a point to do better this sem! Or at least hit a 3.5 for my next sem's GPA. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". 

xx, debs 

17

Yes, I have to wear make up to work :( 

So far, I've only had 2 official dates of working with Awfully Chocolate. It sucks how there are 300 girls in the Facebook group with about 9-10 different outlets. I mean there's only 4 people to work everyday, do you really need to keep recruiting girls? Every time our manager posts the work schedule the Facebook group, it's like The Hunger Games all over again! We'll have to hurry comment/sms our managers to get the slots we want. I sent 2 full weeks of working schedule to my manager at ION and I got 2 dates only..... JUST TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSE TO EARN MONEY GUISE?!

I give up working at ION, I'm going to go all out at Greenwich :) Anyway, I've got opening shift tomorrow at ION, so drop by to visit me for those of you who will be at town area ^^

xx, debs

16

Had a mini getaway with the loveliest angmoh Tanya for 3 days to Hard Rock Hotel at Resort World Sentosa. The place is simply amazing - from the reception, to the pool, to the shops outside of Hard Rock. For awhile there,  it didn't even feel like we were living in Singapore. 

Look we even had Bob Marley with us in our room! 

 Even the toiletries were so cute! 

 Met up with the gang for dinner at Old Town Coffee at Orchard Cineleisure. 

It was a triple date for all of us, and yes, that includes T & myself. 

The amazing view from our room 

 

~Sushi time~ 

So.... Bob & Kaisen came over, we rented a studio to take pictures! 

Ok no I kid, it's the elevator. 

JUST LOOK AT THEIR ARMS @$#^%& 

Thank you so much for coming over to crash T & my honeymoon though. Haha, couldn't have asked for a better company! 

Grabbed a Peach Margarita at Wavehouse with T and just talked our whole afternoon away until we decided to move our butts and head to town to pamper our nails! Me and my cheapo self got an express mani pedi for $10. 

Really love the whole pastel phase that I'm going through now. H&M has pastel green jeans for $40! Gonna grab it for sure next month after I get my pay hehe! 

I really want to go shopping, my clothes are so outdated now sigh. 

xx, debs

15

So I've been trying to juggle two jobs recently. Not that I've had my first day of working two jobs in a day yet but I'm feeling so tired already. And suddenly, all the plans start piling and my holidays are definitely going to pass in a blink of an eye!

Once the month of October starts, I'll be working morning shifts at Awfully Chocolate and then heading over to my cousin's tuition centre that is only open at certain nights of the week for a couple of hours as an admin staff. I'd prepare worksheets for the teachers/students before they come in class and other administration work. At first, I wasn't looking for a job because of money, but to occupy my free time during the holidays. But ever since my family decided to go to Phuket at the end of the year, I realized that I've got to save up for the expenses I'm going to have during my mini getaway.

The real world is really intimidating. I dislike how some people are so shallow and it's really upsetting to hear such things coming out of people's mouths.

Also, I kind of dislike watching movies too. How it's always filled with some sexual scenes or vulgarities in the show. I know Kickass and Jump Street 21 is a really good show, but I wished that there wouldn't be any vulgarities in it. Then it would definitely make it to my top few favourite shows of all time! Now it's all just cartoons, because in cartoons, there isn't anything explicit and neither is there any vulgarities.

I just downloaded Grease's soundtrack and it's really sad how songs nowadays have no meaning. Some profess satanic views, sexual, drugs, rebellion.

Someone once told me 'Why do you take it out on society? You can't stop society from being this way.'  but all I wanted was some comforting and not you lashing out on me.  

14

The day I thought I could bake. 

Spent my thursday afternoon walking around my estate finding the cheapest ingredients & supplies I needed to make my craving-of-the-month - Red Velvet Cupcakes. Mhmm, previously rach & karen had a baking sesh & their cupcakes looked really amazing! So I decided to give it a shot too! 

 

Managed to get such cute & lovely cupcake sleeves! 40 sleeves for $4 sigh. 

Currently, my total expenditure is $35. 

 

I know it looks like red paint, but I swear this is the mix. Oh and remember this colour. 

Aren't the sleeves just really cuteeee :) 

Instructions said to fill: 3/4 cup, but I didn't want it to overflow... 

But now I know, the recipe is always right :( 

I started to panic when I saw my cupcakes erupting like a volcano......... But who knew, that if the mix rises, it actually helps you when you are putting the frosting on it! 

I finally started making the best part (or at least I think it is!) of the cupcake - 

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING mhhmmmm~ 

And you see the Philadeplphia cream cheese block, yup that's $5. 

I had to buy 2...... So yeah, that's just $10 spent on cheese!!!

*drumroll please* 

That's my end product! 

Which firstly, doesn't look RED at all & secondly, 

I had no idea how to slap on the cheese frosting - so I really tried my best I promiseeeee!! 

Now I have like 8 tupperware's FILLED with 'Red' Velvet cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting, 

err ANYONE? 

13

My Mini Escapade 

2 King-sized Beds 

The wonderful view from our window

 My virgin experience at EWF (Everything With Fries) 

Mini movie marathon - managed to catch The Dictator & Tangled. 

 Lots of goodies to last for the whole night 

Typical Singaporean breakfast - Ya Kun Kaya Toast 

Checked in on Monday afternoon at my family's country club - Changi Beach Club with J. After admiring the lovely scenery we had from our room and bouncing around our King-sized beds, we headed to Joo Chiat for my interview at Awfully Chocolate's Headquarters. J was a sweetheart, poor soul had to wait in the 7-eleven next door for an hour until I was done with my interview. He then brought me to eat a scrumptious meal at Everything With Fries or more commonly known as EWF. Ordered Grilled Pork Chop with Curry Fries and he had Spaghetti Bolognese with Sour Cream & Onion Fries. Both were extremely yummy! He finally satisfied his craving for Nutella Milkshake, which makes me wonder - why didn't I chose to work for EWF instead of Awfully Chocolate?! Cabbed back to our hotel as the sun was starting to set, napped & caught a couple of movies that night! Got hungry and then we realized that we didn't have any utensils to eat our cup noodles! So we resorted to eating our noodles with coffee tea spoons as it was 3am & the staff were not at the counter either. Finally managed to hit the sack at about 5am all the way until we woke up at 11am to bathe & check out. Even though it was 1pm, we still went ahead to Ya Kun Kaya Toast and have breakfast haha! 

It was a great start to my hectic week and I would say that I truly enjoyed myself. I love you, J ♥ 

xx, debs